Last night as I lay sleeping, I died or so it seemed, Then I went to heaven, but only in my dream. Up there St. Peter met me, standing at the pearly gates, He said "I must check your record, please stand here and wait." He turned and said "Your record Is covered with terrible flaws, On earth I see you rallied for every losing cause. I see that you drank alcohol and smoked and used drugs too, Fact is, you've done everything a good person should never do. We can't have people like you up here, your life was full of sin," Then he read the last of my record, took my hand and said "Come in." He lead me up to the big boss and said "Take him in and treat him well, He used to work in Insurance, he's done his time in hell."
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house was destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The puzzled lawyer asked, "How do you start a flood?"
An insurance agent said to a customer,"Thank you, Mr.Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you.""Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "you know that I file many claims and always pay premium late." The insurance agent said, " I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred like you."
An underwriter, an insurance agent, an old lady and a beautiful blonde find themselves together on a train. The train passes through a tunnel and in the darkness a loud slap is heard. When out of the tunnel and in the light, they see that the insurance agent has a red five finger mark on his cheek. The blonde is thinking: the insurance agent must have tried to grope me in the dark and mistakenly groped the old lady, so she slapped him. The old lady is thinking: that guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped him. The insurance agent is thinking: the underwriter must have groped the blonde in the dark and she mistakenly slapped me instead of him. The underwriter is thinking: I can't wait for the next tunnel so I can slap that damn insurance agent again!!!
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
James walks into an insurance office and asks for a job."We don't need anyone," he was told."You can't afford not to hire me," James said. "I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!" "Well, we have two prospects that NO ONE has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." He was gone about two hours. He returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000. "How in the world did you do that?" they asked."I told you I'm the world's best salesman," James said. "I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!""Did you get a urine sample?" they asked."What's that?" he asked."Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000, the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." James was gone about six hours, and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five-gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine. He sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. Brown's and this one is Mr. Barricks's." "That's good," they said, "but what's in those two buckets?" "Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state teachers' convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
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Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
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