Insurance Jokes Part 1

Insurance agents never retire, they just expire.

Insurance agents are premium lovers.

Insurance agents do it with third parties.

A woman was in the hospital after feeling very ill. The doctor says to her, "I have some bad news for you. You only have three months to live." "Oh that's terrible," the woman sighs, "what am I going do?"The doctor replies, "Marry an insurance agent.""Will I live longer?" asks the woman. "No," replies the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."

Mr. John Johnson III, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher:"I trusted each of you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me." Mr. Johnson died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest.On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed "I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Johnson, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It's what he would have wanted. "Then the preacher said: "I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Johnson. We needed that money to help more homeless, and it's what Mr. Johnson would've wanted "The insurance agent was angry at both the man, and said: "I can't believe both of you, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Johnson a check for the full $30,000!"

A super genius goes in to see a doctor. "Doc," the genius says, "I think I'm too smart. I'm having trouble even communicating with people because we have no common frame of reference, and it's ruining my social life. Can anything be done? "The doctor runs a series of tests on the genius, and indeed finds that he is too smart. He says, "Currently, your IQ is 250, which is vastly superior to an average man. This is why your having trouble communicating. I do have a cure, however. I have a machine that will drain away some of your intellegence, leaving you with an IQ of 160. You'll still be a genius, but you should be able to lead a normal life as well. "The genius immediately agrees to the treatment, so the doctor straps him into the machine.Just as the doctor turns on the device, he gets a phone call from his ex-wife. They have a heated phone conversation for several minutes before the doctor remembers his patient. He rushes back, and is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75. The doctor says, "Are you all right?"The former genius just stares blankly.The doctor shakes him, saying "Say Something."The former genius replies, "Can I interest you in a health insurance policy?"

Needing insurance is like needing a parachute. If it isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing it again.

A state adopts strict new insurance self study CE requirements for its agents. The tests they now require are very difficult, can take no more than an hour to complete, and must be taken at a certified testing center.On the first day of the new requirements, an agent wanders into a testing center a half hour late."You'll never finish this test on time," the test administrator coldly states."Just give me the test," replies the agent, "I'll finish it." Skeptically, the administrator gives the agent the test. The time limit comes and passes and yet the agent still has not completed the test. Finally, a half hour after the test time limit, the agent brings his test up to the administrator, who is correcting a large stack of tests."You can't turn that in," states the test administrator, "you knew there was a time limit.""Do you know who I am?" replies the agent. "No", says the administrator."DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???" the agent says more forcefully. "No, and I really don't care" replies the administrator, slightly annoyed."Good," says the agent, who quickly shoves his test into the middle of the stack the administrator is correcting and walks out the door.

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Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681