Q: Do you know what a woman and insurance have in common?
Answer: They are both expensive, difficult to understand and what you get is not guaranteed.
Q: Do you know the difference between a man and a whole life policy?
Answer: A whole life policy eventually matures
Q: Did you hear about the insurance executive that nearly died in a horseback riding accident?
Answer: He was saved when the manager of the Wal Mart finally came out and unplugged it.
Q: How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: None, they'll just have a CSR do it.
Q: How many CSRs does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Seven; one to change the bulb, and six to stand around and complain how producers do it.
Q: How many actuaries does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: "How many did it take last year?"
Q: How many insurance agents does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: That depends on whether the light bulb burned alone or with the whole house.
Q: Why is a CSRs like a mushroom?
Answer: Because they're kept in the dark, fed a lot of crap, and when they start to grow, they get canned.
Q: What do you get when you cross a monkey with a broker?
Answer: Nothing, there's some things even a monkey won't do.
Q: I asked a broker how many producers he had working for him?
Answer: He answered "about half of them".
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Basic, Broad, Special
Property insurance provides three levels of coverage. Basic, Broad & Special. Basic is the cheapest to purchase, and Special is the most expensive, with Broad form in the middle.
Basic & Broad form only provide coverage for the perils that are listed. Special provides coverage for anything and everything, unless that peril is specifically excluded. See below for more information.
Basic
fire; lightning, explosion, windstorm or hail, smoke, aircraft or vehicles, riot or civil commotion, vandalism, sprinkler leakage, sinkhole collapse, or volcanic action.
BroadBasic + falling objects, weight of ice, sleet or snow, and accidental water damage.
Special
When a property policy is written on a special form, the insurance company has a duty to specifically exclude coverage. Simply put, if the insurance company does not exclude coverage in writing, the damage to your property will be paid for. There are tons of common exclusions, for example: government action, nuclear hazard, war and military action, water damage (ie. flood), fungus, and pollution. At the end of the day, however, the special form gives you much more comprehensive insurance protection than the basic or broad forms.
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
Basic & Broad form only provide coverage for the perils that are listed. Special provides coverage for anything and everything, unless that peril is specifically excluded. See below for more information.
Basic
fire; lightning, explosion, windstorm or hail, smoke, aircraft or vehicles, riot or civil commotion, vandalism, sprinkler leakage, sinkhole collapse, or volcanic action.
BroadBasic + falling objects, weight of ice, sleet or snow, and accidental water damage.
Special
When a property policy is written on a special form, the insurance company has a duty to specifically exclude coverage. Simply put, if the insurance company does not exclude coverage in writing, the damage to your property will be paid for. There are tons of common exclusions, for example: government action, nuclear hazard, war and military action, water damage (ie. flood), fungus, and pollution. At the end of the day, however, the special form gives you much more comprehensive insurance protection than the basic or broad forms.
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Insurance Jokes Part 3
Life insurance agent to would-be client: "Don't let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know."
Three Insurance salesman were sitting in a restaurant boasting about each companies service.The first one said, "When one of our insureds died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and had mailed a check on Wednesday evening. "The second one said, "When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in 2 hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening." The last salesman said, "That's nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of a tall building. One of our insureds who was washing a window on the 85th floor, slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor."
Several cannibals were recently hired by a health insurance agency. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees." The cannibals promised. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our CSR's has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the CSR?" A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Producers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat the Customer Service Representative!"
"You ought to feel highly honored," said the businessman to the life insurance agent, "so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents.""Yes, I know," replied the agent, "I'm them."
An insurance agent was teaching his wife to drive when the brakes suddenly failed on a steep, downhill grade."I can't stop!" she shrilled. "What should I do?""Brace yourself," advised her husband, "and try to hit something cheap."
Sad but true: One day when I was a new agent, I received a phone call from a lady saying that unfortunately she had to cancel her husband´s life insurance policy. "We always paid it in time", she said, "but since my dear husband´s sudden death last year I have had some financial hardship; therefore, I cannot pay it anymore."
A traveling insurance salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
Three Insurance salesman were sitting in a restaurant boasting about each companies service.The first one said, "When one of our insureds died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and had mailed a check on Wednesday evening. "The second one said, "When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in 2 hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening." The last salesman said, "That's nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of a tall building. One of our insureds who was washing a window on the 85th floor, slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor."
Several cannibals were recently hired by a health insurance agency. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees." The cannibals promised. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our CSR's has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the CSR?" A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Producers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat the Customer Service Representative!"
"You ought to feel highly honored," said the businessman to the life insurance agent, "so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents.""Yes, I know," replied the agent, "I'm them."
An insurance agent was teaching his wife to drive when the brakes suddenly failed on a steep, downhill grade."I can't stop!" she shrilled. "What should I do?""Brace yourself," advised her husband, "and try to hit something cheap."
Sad but true: One day when I was a new agent, I received a phone call from a lady saying that unfortunately she had to cancel her husband´s life insurance policy. "We always paid it in time", she said, "but since my dear husband´s sudden death last year I have had some financial hardship; therefore, I cannot pay it anymore."
A traveling insurance salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
Monday, September 8, 2008
Insurance Jokes Part 4
An insurance agent won a trip to Mexico City. Now he is trying to win a trip back home.
A couple I know enjoys getting away from their high-stress jobs in the city by spending a few weekends out camping and relaxing in their motor home. However, they often found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers. So, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now whenever they set up camp they place this sign on the door of their RV..."Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."
The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?"I said, "Fire and theft."Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft." Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house is robbed WHILE it's burning down.
Two women are playing golf when one of them ask the other, "Do you and your husband have mutual climax?" The other woman replies, "No, I think we have State Farm."
There´s a new insurance policy written especially for Jewish mothers. It´s called the "My Fault" policy.
A traveler wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. The shop specialized in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:
Actuary' Brains ... $9/lb
Loss Control Brains ... $12/lb
Underwriters' Brains ... $15/lb
Claims Adjusters' Brains ... $33/lb
Insurance Executives' Brains ... $87/lb
Life Insurance Salesmens' Brains ... $146/lb
Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My, those insurance salesmens' brains must be something."To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many of them you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!"
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued ... and WON!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
After many years at sea, a pirate decided to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job, he thought that he should collect on his worker's compensation insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agent assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related. "How did you get the wooden leg?" asked the agent.In a booming voice the pirate replied, "Me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang 'round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me leg. "The agent replied, "That is certainly work related. How did you lose your hand?""Well matey, me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang 'round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me hand," said the pirate. "That's also work related. Now how did you lose your eye?" asked the agent. The pirate replied, "Well matey, I was laying on the deck one balmy day catching some rays when this seagull flew by and dropped his duty right in me eye!" "What does that have to do with the loss of your eye?" said the agent."It were the first day with me hook!"
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
A couple I know enjoys getting away from their high-stress jobs in the city by spending a few weekends out camping and relaxing in their motor home. However, they often found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers. So, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now whenever they set up camp they place this sign on the door of their RV..."Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."
The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?"I said, "Fire and theft."Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft." Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house is robbed WHILE it's burning down.
Two women are playing golf when one of them ask the other, "Do you and your husband have mutual climax?" The other woman replies, "No, I think we have State Farm."
There´s a new insurance policy written especially for Jewish mothers. It´s called the "My Fault" policy.
A traveler wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. The shop specialized in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:
Actuary' Brains ... $9/lb
Loss Control Brains ... $12/lb
Underwriters' Brains ... $15/lb
Claims Adjusters' Brains ... $33/lb
Insurance Executives' Brains ... $87/lb
Life Insurance Salesmens' Brains ... $146/lb
Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My, those insurance salesmens' brains must be something."To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many of them you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!"
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued ... and WON!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
After many years at sea, a pirate decided to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job, he thought that he should collect on his worker's compensation insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agent assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related. "How did you get the wooden leg?" asked the agent.In a booming voice the pirate replied, "Me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang 'round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me leg. "The agent replied, "That is certainly work related. How did you lose your hand?""Well matey, me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang 'round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me hand," said the pirate. "That's also work related. Now how did you lose your eye?" asked the agent. The pirate replied, "Well matey, I was laying on the deck one balmy day catching some rays when this seagull flew by and dropped his duty right in me eye!" "What does that have to do with the loss of your eye?" said the agent."It were the first day with me hook!"
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
Replacement Cost (RC) versus Actual Cash Value (ACV)
When purchasing a property policy, one decision you will need to make, is whether or not to buy your coverage with "Replacement Cost" (RC) or "Actual Cash Value" (ACV)
Replacement Cost means, "the cost to replace an item or structure to its pre-loss condition"
Actual Cash Value means, "replacement Cost less depreciation.
In simple terms, assume you had a TV that was 5 years old, and it was damaged in a fire. Under Replacement Cost, the insurance company would give you enough money to buy a NEW television. Under Actual Cash Value, they would give you the money your old, used TV was worth, and it probably wouldn't be enough to but a new one.
Sometimes insurance companies will only offer ACV if they feel there is a greater risk of a loss, such as on a building that has not been updated in some time.
This is definitely a coverage that you should pay attention to on your policies, as a policy with ACV will usually be far cheaper than a policy with RC, and for good reason.
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
Replacement Cost means, "the cost to replace an item or structure to its pre-loss condition"
Actual Cash Value means, "replacement Cost less depreciation.
In simple terms, assume you had a TV that was 5 years old, and it was damaged in a fire. Under Replacement Cost, the insurance company would give you enough money to buy a NEW television. Under Actual Cash Value, they would give you the money your old, used TV was worth, and it probably wouldn't be enough to but a new one.
Sometimes insurance companies will only offer ACV if they feel there is a greater risk of a loss, such as on a building that has not been updated in some time.
This is definitely a coverage that you should pay attention to on your policies, as a policy with ACV will usually be far cheaper than a policy with RC, and for good reason.
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
What is coinsurance?
Coinsurance is a penalty imposed on the insured by the insurance carrier for under reporting/declaring/insuring the value of tangible property or business income. The penalty is based on a percentage stated within the policy and the amount under reported.
As an example:
A building actually valued at $1,000,000 has an 80% coinsurance clause but is insured for only $750,000. Since its insured value is less than 80% of its actual value, when it suffers a loss, the insurance payout will be subject to the underreporting penalty. For example: It suffers a $200,000 loss. The insured would recover $750,000 ÷ (.80 × 1,000,000) × 200,000 = $187,500 (less any deductible).
In this example the underreporting penalty would be $12,500.
The most commonly issued coinsurance percentage would be 80% but can be as high as 100%. The latter [100%] would impose the greatest penalty for under reporting. For this reason, it is vital that values of property are accurately reported and updated annually to reflect inflation and other increases in cost.
CArriers may also choose to offer "Agreed Amount". This effectively eliminates the coinsurance clause of an insurance policy. Most carriers wil require a minimum amount per sq ft in order to offer Agreed Amount.
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
As an example:
A building actually valued at $1,000,000 has an 80% coinsurance clause but is insured for only $750,000. Since its insured value is less than 80% of its actual value, when it suffers a loss, the insurance payout will be subject to the underreporting penalty. For example: It suffers a $200,000 loss. The insured would recover $750,000 ÷ (.80 × 1,000,000) × 200,000 = $187,500 (less any deductible).
In this example the underreporting penalty would be $12,500.
The most commonly issued coinsurance percentage would be 80% but can be as high as 100%. The latter [100%] would impose the greatest penalty for under reporting. For this reason, it is vital that values of property are accurately reported and updated annually to reflect inflation and other increases in cost.
CArriers may also choose to offer "Agreed Amount". This effectively eliminates the coinsurance clause of an insurance policy. Most carriers wil require a minimum amount per sq ft in order to offer Agreed Amount.
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
What is Insurance?
Taken from Wiki, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insurance
"Insurance, in law and economics, is a form of risk management primarily used to hedge against the risk of a contingent loss. Insurance is defined as the equitable transfer of the risk of a loss, from one entity to another, in exchange for a premium. An insurer is a company selling the insurance. The insurance rate is a factor used to determine the amount, called the premium, to be charged for a certain amount of insurance coverage. Risk management, the practice of appraising and controlling risk, has evolved as a discrete field of study and practice."
What does this mean in plain English? Insurance companies are providing you with a promise. They promise to pay damages you may suffer up to an agreed upon amount, for an agreed amount of time, for a smaller payment in advance. Most insurance policies will have a list of exclusions you should be aware of, so you should have a trusted professional review your coverages with you.
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
"Insurance, in law and economics, is a form of risk management primarily used to hedge against the risk of a contingent loss. Insurance is defined as the equitable transfer of the risk of a loss, from one entity to another, in exchange for a premium. An insurer is a company selling the insurance. The insurance rate is a factor used to determine the amount, called the premium, to be charged for a certain amount of insurance coverage. Risk management, the practice of appraising and controlling risk, has evolved as a discrete field of study and practice."
What does this mean in plain English? Insurance companies are providing you with a promise. They promise to pay damages you may suffer up to an agreed upon amount, for an agreed amount of time, for a smaller payment in advance. Most insurance policies will have a list of exclusions you should be aware of, so you should have a trusted professional review your coverages with you.
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
Friday, September 5, 2008
Insurance Jokes Part 1
Insurance agents never retire, they just expire.
Insurance agents are premium lovers.
Insurance agents do it with third parties.
A woman was in the hospital after feeling very ill. The doctor says to her, "I have some bad news for you. You only have three months to live." "Oh that's terrible," the woman sighs, "what am I going do?"The doctor replies, "Marry an insurance agent.""Will I live longer?" asks the woman. "No," replies the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."
Mr. John Johnson III, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher:"I trusted each of you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me." Mr. Johnson died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest.On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed "I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Johnson, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It's what he would have wanted. "Then the preacher said: "I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Johnson. We needed that money to help more homeless, and it's what Mr. Johnson would've wanted "The insurance agent was angry at both the man, and said: "I can't believe both of you, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Johnson a check for the full $30,000!"
A super genius goes in to see a doctor. "Doc," the genius says, "I think I'm too smart. I'm having trouble even communicating with people because we have no common frame of reference, and it's ruining my social life. Can anything be done? "The doctor runs a series of tests on the genius, and indeed finds that he is too smart. He says, "Currently, your IQ is 250, which is vastly superior to an average man. This is why your having trouble communicating. I do have a cure, however. I have a machine that will drain away some of your intellegence, leaving you with an IQ of 160. You'll still be a genius, but you should be able to lead a normal life as well. "The genius immediately agrees to the treatment, so the doctor straps him into the machine.Just as the doctor turns on the device, he gets a phone call from his ex-wife. They have a heated phone conversation for several minutes before the doctor remembers his patient. He rushes back, and is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75. The doctor says, "Are you all right?"The former genius just stares blankly.The doctor shakes him, saying "Say Something."The former genius replies, "Can I interest you in a health insurance policy?"
Needing insurance is like needing a parachute. If it isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing it again.
A state adopts strict new insurance self study CE requirements for its agents. The tests they now require are very difficult, can take no more than an hour to complete, and must be taken at a certified testing center.On the first day of the new requirements, an agent wanders into a testing center a half hour late."You'll never finish this test on time," the test administrator coldly states."Just give me the test," replies the agent, "I'll finish it." Skeptically, the administrator gives the agent the test. The time limit comes and passes and yet the agent still has not completed the test. Finally, a half hour after the test time limit, the agent brings his test up to the administrator, who is correcting a large stack of tests."You can't turn that in," states the test administrator, "you knew there was a time limit.""Do you know who I am?" replies the agent. "No", says the administrator."DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???" the agent says more forcefully. "No, and I really don't care" replies the administrator, slightly annoyed."Good," says the agent, who quickly shoves his test into the middle of the stack the administrator is correcting and walks out the door.
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
Insurance agents are premium lovers.
Insurance agents do it with third parties.
A woman was in the hospital after feeling very ill. The doctor says to her, "I have some bad news for you. You only have three months to live." "Oh that's terrible," the woman sighs, "what am I going do?"The doctor replies, "Marry an insurance agent.""Will I live longer?" asks the woman. "No," replies the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."
Mr. John Johnson III, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher:"I trusted each of you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me." Mr. Johnson died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest.On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed "I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Johnson, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It's what he would have wanted. "Then the preacher said: "I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Johnson. We needed that money to help more homeless, and it's what Mr. Johnson would've wanted "The insurance agent was angry at both the man, and said: "I can't believe both of you, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Johnson a check for the full $30,000!"
A super genius goes in to see a doctor. "Doc," the genius says, "I think I'm too smart. I'm having trouble even communicating with people because we have no common frame of reference, and it's ruining my social life. Can anything be done? "The doctor runs a series of tests on the genius, and indeed finds that he is too smart. He says, "Currently, your IQ is 250, which is vastly superior to an average man. This is why your having trouble communicating. I do have a cure, however. I have a machine that will drain away some of your intellegence, leaving you with an IQ of 160. You'll still be a genius, but you should be able to lead a normal life as well. "The genius immediately agrees to the treatment, so the doctor straps him into the machine.Just as the doctor turns on the device, he gets a phone call from his ex-wife. They have a heated phone conversation for several minutes before the doctor remembers his patient. He rushes back, and is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75. The doctor says, "Are you all right?"The former genius just stares blankly.The doctor shakes him, saying "Say Something."The former genius replies, "Can I interest you in a health insurance policy?"
Needing insurance is like needing a parachute. If it isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing it again.
A state adopts strict new insurance self study CE requirements for its agents. The tests they now require are very difficult, can take no more than an hour to complete, and must be taken at a certified testing center.On the first day of the new requirements, an agent wanders into a testing center a half hour late."You'll never finish this test on time," the test administrator coldly states."Just give me the test," replies the agent, "I'll finish it." Skeptically, the administrator gives the agent the test. The time limit comes and passes and yet the agent still has not completed the test. Finally, a half hour after the test time limit, the agent brings his test up to the administrator, who is correcting a large stack of tests."You can't turn that in," states the test administrator, "you knew there was a time limit.""Do you know who I am?" replies the agent. "No", says the administrator."DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???" the agent says more forcefully. "No, and I really don't care" replies the administrator, slightly annoyed."Good," says the agent, who quickly shoves his test into the middle of the stack the administrator is correcting and walks out the door.
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
Insurance Jokes Part 2
Last night as I lay sleeping, I died or so it seemed, Then I went to heaven, but only in my dream. Up there St. Peter met me, standing at the pearly gates, He said "I must check your record, please stand here and wait." He turned and said "Your record Is covered with terrible flaws, On earth I see you rallied for every losing cause. I see that you drank alcohol and smoked and used drugs too, Fact is, you've done everything a good person should never do. We can't have people like you up here, your life was full of sin," Then he read the last of my record, took my hand and said "Come in." He lead me up to the big boss and said "Take him in and treat him well, He used to work in Insurance, he's done his time in hell."
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house was destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The puzzled lawyer asked, "How do you start a flood?"
An insurance agent said to a customer,"Thank you, Mr.Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you.""Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "you know that I file many claims and always pay premium late." The insurance agent said, " I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred like you."
An underwriter, an insurance agent, an old lady and a beautiful blonde find themselves together on a train. The train passes through a tunnel and in the darkness a loud slap is heard. When out of the tunnel and in the light, they see that the insurance agent has a red five finger mark on his cheek. The blonde is thinking: the insurance agent must have tried to grope me in the dark and mistakenly groped the old lady, so she slapped him. The old lady is thinking: that guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped him. The insurance agent is thinking: the underwriter must have groped the blonde in the dark and she mistakenly slapped me instead of him. The underwriter is thinking: I can't wait for the next tunnel so I can slap that damn insurance agent again!!!
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
James walks into an insurance office and asks for a job."We don't need anyone," he was told."You can't afford not to hire me," James said. "I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!" "Well, we have two prospects that NO ONE has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." He was gone about two hours. He returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000. "How in the world did you do that?" they asked."I told you I'm the world's best salesman," James said. "I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!""Did you get a urine sample?" they asked."What's that?" he asked."Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000, the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." James was gone about six hours, and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five-gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine. He sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. Brown's and this one is Mr. Barricks's." "That's good," they said, "but what's in those two buckets?" "Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state teachers' convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house was destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The puzzled lawyer asked, "How do you start a flood?"
An insurance agent said to a customer,"Thank you, Mr.Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you.""Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "you know that I file many claims and always pay premium late." The insurance agent said, " I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred like you."
An underwriter, an insurance agent, an old lady and a beautiful blonde find themselves together on a train. The train passes through a tunnel and in the darkness a loud slap is heard. When out of the tunnel and in the light, they see that the insurance agent has a red five finger mark on his cheek. The blonde is thinking: the insurance agent must have tried to grope me in the dark and mistakenly groped the old lady, so she slapped him. The old lady is thinking: that guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped him. The insurance agent is thinking: the underwriter must have groped the blonde in the dark and she mistakenly slapped me instead of him. The underwriter is thinking: I can't wait for the next tunnel so I can slap that damn insurance agent again!!!
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
James walks into an insurance office and asks for a job."We don't need anyone," he was told."You can't afford not to hire me," James said. "I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!" "Well, we have two prospects that NO ONE has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." He was gone about two hours. He returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000. "How in the world did you do that?" they asked."I told you I'm the world's best salesman," James said. "I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!""Did you get a urine sample?" they asked."What's that?" he asked."Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000, the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." James was gone about six hours, and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five-gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine. He sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. Brown's and this one is Mr. Barricks's." "That's good," they said, "but what's in those two buckets?" "Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state teachers' convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
____________________________________
Jonathan S. Carroll, ASLI, CRIS
Bradley & Parker
320 S. Service Rd, Melville, NY 11747
O - (631) 981-7600
D - (631) 650-4034
C - (917) 376-0075
F - (631) 981-7681
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)